Why do women close their eyes during sex?

How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
Eleven. Ten to form a committee and one to get her boyfriend to do it...

How can you tell if your wife is dead?
The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.

How many divorced women does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Four. One to screw in the bulb, three to form a support group.

How many men does it take to please a woman.
Impossible. Once a woman's done bitching about the men, they're all asleep.

Why do women close their eyes during sex?
They can't stand to see a man have a good time.

What's worse than a male chauvinistic pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.

Why did the woman cross the road?
That's not the point, what's she doing out of the kitchen?

What do you do if your dishwasher breaks down?
Kick her where the sun don't shine.

What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.

Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women?
He died laughing before he could tell anybody.