Stop the nonsense, we've had enough!!

A harassed husband, who has obviously had more than his share of domestic tyranny, writes an open letter to women the world over

* Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about it being down. Deal with It

* All men only see 16 colors, peach is a fruit, not a color.

* If you don't dress like the Victoria Secrets girls, don't expect us to act like the Soap Opera guys.

* If you think you're fat, you probably are. We refuse to answer.

* Don't curl your hair. Even long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

* Don't ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
Sometimes we're not thinking about you. Live with it.

* Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

* Sunday's = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of tides. Let it be.

* Shopping is not a sport, and no we're never going to think of it that way.

* When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

* You have enough clothes.

* You have too many shoes.

* Crying is blackmail.

* Ask for what you want. Let's be clear about this one: Subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just say it.

* No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries and birthdays on the calendar.

* Peeing standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss sometimes.

* Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress.

* Yes, and No are perfectly good answers.

* Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That is what we do.

* Check your oil.

* Let us ogle. We're going to do it anyway. It's genetic.

* Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

* If it itches, it will be scratched.

* If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing", we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the hassle.